Tag Archives | self love

On Self Love, Sisterhood + Sexism

Imagine walking into a room with over 100 smoking hot, bright intelligent women.

Imagine that four of these women are amongst some of the prettiest, thinnest, loveliest, most successful women you’ve ever met.

And imagine that you feel calm, confident and comfortable.

A few years ago, I wouldn’t have been able to picture this scenario. My Inner Bullies would have been going CRAY CRAY and either one of two things would have happened.

1. I wouldn’t have gone because I would have looked at the line up and thought “Pfft. What would those skinny b*tches know about suffering? Of course THEY love themselves. I would too if I looked like that!” (I feel pretty ashamed admitting this. Yes, my Inner Bullies are insufferable cows. They would have snarkily glossed over the fact that two of the women had suffered from cancer, one had been hospitalised for adrenal fatigue, and one was a recovered ‘party girl’; and only focused on the fact they were all pretty. As if that’s the only thing that mattered).


2. I would have gone but I wouldn’t have made any effort with my appearance (because, you know, what’s the point?!) and I would have spent the entire night feeling awkward and out of place. Feeling like the fattest, ugliest girl in the room.

But at the Self Love + Sisterhood event (look out Sydney + Melbourne it’s your turn next!) last Wednesday night, I didn’t experience any of these things.

Sure - I felt a little nervous anticipation as I prepared, wondering what the evening would hold. I put on a dress (!), pulled my hair from its usual bun, and touched up my make up. I wanted to put my best foot forward, but I also didn’t scrutinise or criticise my appearance.

A new, strange and oh so liberating feeling.

As the night unfurled - a certain truth that I had been turning over in my mind like a shiny pebble became a brilliant white diamond.

External beauty ≠ self esteem. Internal worth = self esteem

Now I’m not saying anything particularly revelatory or original.

Sure, you might be blessed with winning the genetic lottery so it’s possible that you miss certain forms of suffering like racial prejudice or disability discrimination. However, I’ve learned that just because you’re pretty doesn’t mean you automatically have a carefree, confident life.

See - for decades I believed that beautiful people had it made. They were the alpha males and females that all of society admired and aspired to be like. Growing up with a sister with a disability plus being the ‘fat girl’ who got bullied further confirmed my suspicions that only the beautiful elite were exempt from suffering.

I hoped to join these elite through the right combo of diet and exercise (and maybe a tonne of make up).

Years of despair and frustration ensued as I tried my darnedest to mould my body and personality to fit.

Growing up, I felt rejected by women. I felt that we were in constant competition, vying for love and attention. Feeling disconnected from my biological sister due to her illness and disability, I found it easier to bond with my brothers. So the concept of sisterhood became more and more foreign the older I became.

I eventually rebelled in puberty and embraced being a “freak”, wearing op shop clothes, cutting my hair super short and listening to alt rock. I over identified with my “riot grrl” attitude and flipped the bird to femininity - which, to me, represented weakness; an obsession with trinkets and the frivolous; plus hours of primping. Blech!

In high school I met two women who I became very close to. I absolutely adored them but I still often pushed them away because of my self doubt and inability to love myself. It was like a pendulum swinging from loving bond to empty detachment. I was deeply conflicted and often felt very isolated. It must have been so frustrating for them.

Even though I met countless women who confounded me with their self criticism - women who I thought “Geez, if I looked like that, I’d be the happiest girl in the world” - I still clung to the belief that all my problems would be solved the second I achieved the body of my dreams.

I now call BS on this belief.

The truth of the matter is that women weren’t in competition with me. I was in competition with them because of my constant comparison and deep self loathing.

Once I began to embrace myself and do a 180 from self loathing to self love, I was able to form better connections. 

Fast forward to my uni days and I was blessed to meet more women from “my tribe”.  Friendships were forged in the crucible of the music rooms as we shared interests and values. I allowed myself to embrace the love we had for one another. We cried together, laughed (A LOT) together and are still friends to this day.

Slowly but surely, I came to see femininity in its truest form. Strength of character, loyalty, altruism and compassion.

{Side note - I DO NOT for one second believe that all women or only women hold these qualities. Gender roles and sexist stereotypes (including the ones about women that I used to believe) are unhelpful and regressive. We are all equal and can attain positive characteristics from all sexes}.

Fast forward even further to today and I am now completely surrounded and supported by an incredible network of women. Plus I continue to meet the most phenomenally awesome women. I can witness their internal beauty and bathe in their external radiance without feeling diminished or overshadowed.


Yours truly with two amazing sisters - Dani from Organically Beautiful & Ngaire from Whole Lotta Health

I feel a bond continuing to deepen each time I drop any comparison and (as Tara Bliss said on Wednesday night) stand “shoulder to shoulder” with my peers, my equals and my sisters. I continue to practice each day walking on the path of self love, knowing that it is a journey - not a destination.

Self love is a daily practice of remembering that you are born worthy. - click to Tweet

The crucial practice of worthiness isn’t just so you can overcome the isolation of disconnection and comparison - it’s actually vital for you to live your life of awesomeness.

Continuing on in the theme of sisterhood last week - I had the utmost pleasure of attending the International Women’s Day breakfast with Yvette Luciano, founder of Earth Events.


Moi et Yvette

Remembering the immense privilege we have here in Australia in contrast to what our sisters suffer around the world, was humbling. Violence - against women, against children, and men - pervades and persists. Abject poverty, sexism and perverse discrimination are rife.

More than ever, this world needs YOUR brilliance to solve its multiple crises.

You can’t do any of that and fulfil your life when you are in conflict with yourself and with others.

Now is the time to rise up, drop comparison, embrace your authentic self (no matter what your gender) and stand shoulder to shoulder with your sisters. So you can go change the world.

Self Love + Sisterhood Event Photos by Bayleigh Vedelago

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Inspiration Broadcast

5 sublime image quotes to help you implement The 7 Pillars of Self Love











Want more inspiration, belly laughs, healthy food + exercise ideas? Pinterest all the way!

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The 7 pillars of Self Love

Pampered? Narcissistic? Selfish? Are these the words that spring to mind when you think of the term “Self Love”?

You are definitely not alone.

Self love was a very confusing and seemingly unattainable ideal for me too, not that long ago.

So if you feel like self love is a struggle; is reserved for “princesses”; or is a total contradiction if you want to improve your life, think again.

Here are 7 principles of self love that will unleash your brilliance!

1. Nourishment

Real food really nourishes you - body, mind and soul. Forget the fads. Ditch the diet. Stop the deprivation, calorie counting and guilt trips around food. Choose the most natural, healing, life giving food that brings YOU joy. Prepare it with love and eat it with gratitude. You are among the blessed few on this planet, throughout all of human history, with such plentiful choice.

2. Fitness

Exercise is crucial for your muscles, vital organs, bones and mental health. So moving your body in a way that’s right for you is definitely an act of self love. Find the balance of pushing past your comfort zone in order to progress whilst respecting the current limitations of your body.

3. Replenishment

It’s not just the sleep-eight-hours-a-night drill. Small, nurturing activities throughout the day, the week, the month and year help balance out the stress of modern life. Remember the Mastery of Feeling Damn Fine Everyday? Level 1 activities are your permission slip to replenish.

4. Self Care

What do you need in order to thrive? A weekly massage; a romantic date; art therapy; a ticket to see your favourite band; more beach days? Monitoring your levels of stress, managing your emotions and knowing how to chill is a big part of self care. When you say hello to pleasure, you farewell stress – and that’s good for you and EVERYONE around you.

5. Self Compassion

Dr Kristin Neff is the expert on Self Compassion. She breaks it into 3 main elements:

Self Kindness - being warm and understanding toward ourselves when we suffer, fail, or feel inadequate, rather than ignoring our pain or flagellating ourselves with self criticism.

Common Humanity - recognizing that suffering and personal inadequacy is part of the shared human experience.

Mindfulness - a non-judgemental, receptive mind state in which one observes thoughts and feelings as they are, without trying to suppress or deny them.

6. Self Acceptance

Are you ok with who you are and what you need? Acceptance does not equal failure nor does it mean giving up on yourself. Quite the opposite. Self acceptance means you love yourself no matter what. Can you change, improve or progress? Absolutely. But in this moment you are still worthy of love exactly how you are. You were born worthy.

7. Authenticity

The courage to be vulnerable, to be truly seen and heard in this world for who you are is the most overt act of self love. Show up. Show us who you are. And let us love you for that. If we don’t, that’s our loss. But at least you got to say “This is who I am”.

Do you have a friend that struggles with self love? Give them permission to embrace it by sharing these 7 principles with them.

Image by chedoy

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Self Love Statement - Wanna create and share yours?

Power Statement by Liz Garcia

Brene Brown is one of my sheroes. She’s insightful, witty, and oh so clever. She’s been researching shame and vulnerability for over 10 years to help us all better understand courage, compassion and connection so we can live wholehearted lives.

Her book Daring Greatly has become one of my faves and her inspiring TED talk made it to my Top 10 TED talks of all time.

Recently Brene wrote a blog post {full post here} that was sooooooo inspiring I just had to share some…

During our Connections Certification trainings we talk about shame being a “full contact” emotion. Shame doesn’t just happen in our head or heart, we experience and hold it in our bodies. We always ask participants to identify where shame shows up for them. Liz shared, “In my feet because I use them to walk away from situations when I should stay.”

Liz, a courageous educator in Texas, has since gone back and shared the shame resilience work with colleagues. Recently they held  a “Power Statement Photo Shoot” where folks wrote a personalized power statement on a meaningful part of their bodies.

This idea completely sang to me as I have spent decades feeling ashamed of my body. Plus as an ex-self-harmer, this idea also reminded me of the beautiful charity To Write Love on Her Arms.

This charity are dedicated to helping people struggle with depression, addiction, self-injury and suicide. The notion of writing love on your arm instead of cutting it is so powerful.

I am so inspired, I want to take these two ideas and combine them to create a Self Love Statement Photo Shoot.

And I would luuuuuurve for you to join in too. Here’s how…

1. Find a comfy quiet spot. Close your eyes. Take a few deep breaths. Connect to your inner truth.

2. Ask the question “What do I require in order to show myself 100% authentic true Self Love?”

3. If the answer isn’t immediately apparent, keep breathing and keep asking.

4. Your answer is your Self Love Statement.

5. Write this statement on your arm(s).

6. Take a photo and share it on our Attitude Revolution Facebook page and on Instagram with the tag #selflovestatement

And in case you were wondering… Here’s mine. {Thanks to the delightful Miss Feather for her penmanship + photography skillz}

My Self Love Statement

Giving myself a Self Love Statement hug

To me, ‘Kindness somethin’ fierce‘ means that I’m empowered and grounded in my fierce loving power. I radically and wholeheartedly take personal responsibility for my health and wellbeing. I treat myself with kindness and compassion which includes eating for joyexercising well and being calm.

So what’s your self love statement? Rise up and tell the world, brave comrade!

Do you know someone else who could benefit from writing love on their arms? Share this story with them. It could brighten their day and their life.

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Your opportunity to win FREE health coaching



As a Personal Trainer, I saw a BIG gap in the health and fitness industry. No-one seemed to be addressing the shame, guilt and body hate that I saw so many people try and motivate themselves with.

Women striving to be skinny, men smashing themselves to be huge. People assuming body perfection would bring love and confidence. People filled with a deep longing for a healthier, happier life and yet, so miserable in the process.

Everyone addressed physical health, but no-one was talking about mental health or emotional wellbeing.

That’s why I started The Attitude Revolution. Because I’ve personally experienced and seen clients revolutionise their health and happiness when they began integrating self love into their lives. In fact, that was my favourite part about being a Personal Trainer. Witnessing someone change their mind about their body.

And sometimes changing your mind is really hard to do. Sometimes you need someone to hold a space for you, to help nurture you until you can nurture yourself, to help you connect to your truth so you can make the best choices.

So I’m starting an online Attitude Revolution coaching practice!

But before I launch, I need your help. I want to make sure coaching packages are super useful for YOU, my lovely revolutionaries.  I want the practice to evolve and improve based on what you want.

So, if you’re interested in getting FREE coaching for one month in exchange for robust feedback, it will help me design a coaching practice that serves the Attitude Revolution community in the best possible way.

Topics for coaching could include emotional eating, exercise motivation, or self love. Anything around your body or attitude that you’re feeling “stuck” with…

This coaching is for you if you:

  • Want a caring, empathetic coach
  • Want someone who will help you uncover and connect to your truth about what’s best for you
  • Are willing to try a variety of tools such as visualisation, meditation, journaling etc that help get the rational mind out of the way so you can understand your subconscious behaviour
  • Want someone who will nurture and support you through the change process so you can adopt more loving habits
  • Are willing to actively participate in the process
  • Are comfortable offering plenty of feedback

This might not be for you if you:

  • Are looking for an expert or guru to give you the answers about what you should do
  • Aren’t willing to take responsibility for things within your control (like behaviour, actions, reactions etc)

So if all of this is stirring up a “Hell Yeah!” response, here’s whatcha gotta do.

Leave a comment below and let me know what topic you want to do a 180 on in 2013. {Click here to go to the website}

I’ll then draw 5 people at random for FREE coaching! You’ve got a week to get your submissions in before I email the winners.

Do you have a friend that struggles with self love? Share this post with them. It could help them do a 180 towards health and happiness.

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Inspiration Broadcast

5 images from my ‘What Self Love Feels Like’ Pinterest board that was inspired by Amy Cuddy’s TED talk

Self Love Feels Like: Freedom

Self Love Feels Like: Freedom


Self Love Feels Like: A warm embrace

Self Love Feels Like: A warm embrace



Self Love Feels Like: Joy


Self Love Feels Like: Release

Self Love Feels Like: Release


Self Love Feels Like: Expansion

Self Love Feels Like: Expansion


For more inspiration, follow me on Pinterest

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3 steps for a Beautiful Mind (and beautiful life)

Tomorrow I’ll be speaking at a life skills workshop for young women called Beautiful Minds.

In preparing for the talk, I’ve reflected a lot on how I often felt as a girl (bullied, isolated, depressed) to how I often feel now (positive, connected, resilient).

As you can see – a pretty big difference.

But it wasn’t just part of growing up. All the positive things I am now are all things I’ve learned.

And lemme tell ya, if this recovering pessimist can do a 180 towards joy – you can too!

Because having more beautiful thoughts towards yourself and others, doesn’t mean you never suffer. But it does mean you can weather the tough times more easily. And that in turn creates a beautiful life.

So here are 3 simple steps to begin creating your Beautiful Mind.

  1. Do a 180 from your Inner Bully to your Inner Bestie

Inner Bully. Inner Critic. Gremlins. Monsters. Inner Bitch.

Whatever you call it - everyone has a critical inner monologue.

That harsh critical voice is not the voice of your true authentic self. It is a part of you that is overly concerned with your safety.

Your Inner Bully wants to prevent you from taking risks in order to protect you, especially from potential social isolation or humiliation.

Understanding that your Inner Bully has your best interests at heart can actually take away a lot of the sting from the repetitive, critical things that your Inner Bully says.

But the guard that keeps you safe also keeps you stuck and small.

So how do you move past the Inner Bully so you can get what you want?

Enter your Inner Bestie. Your Authentic Self. Your Inner Bliss Sis’.

Your Inner Bestie is the part of you that can soothe, motivate and inspire. And you connect to your Inner Bestie through kindness.

Imagine someone that is easy to love. Your best friend, your soulmate, your kindred spirit.

Imagine the one you love is scared and anxious. What do you say to them?

“Yes, you’re a loser, no wonder no-one loves you”


You soothe them with gentle loving words of kindness.

The same is true for your Inner Bully. They’re just scared. But you can soothe them by connecting to your Inner Bestie. By using thoughts, words and actions that you usually reserve for your loved ones.

And the seven most powerful words your Inner Bestie can say to your Inner Bully?

“Thanks, but I got this one covered.”


  1. Practice gratitude

In a day and age where everyone can share their amazing lives all over Facebook, Twitter and Instagram it can seem like everyone is having a field day but you.

It’s easy to forget that we all share our best bits on social media and none of the bloopers.

Certainly comparing your body with someone else’s can be a recipe for jealousy. Or conceit. And neither feels particularly beautiful.

On the flipside, gratitude turns everything you have, are and do into enough.

So ya gotta get grateful ‘bout what ya got!

Simply noticing when you are judging, criticising or comparing is a powerful step towards stopping this behaviour. Then you can practice doing a 180 towards gratitude.

For example, if you’ve caught yourself wishing you had the long lean legs of the girl who just walked past in skimpy shorts - simply say to yourself “Hello judging mind” or “I notice I’m comparing now”.

Then take a deep breath and say “I release these thoughts.”

Next, take some time to appreciate what your legs do for you. Say “Thank you legs for allowing me to run to my lover / skip with my kids / dance my butt off”

It may seem silly at first, but remember – negative self talk is just as much a practice as positive self talk. So you might as well say something nice.

If you have any guilt or shame surrounding judgmental thoughts like “Oh no, I’m comparing. I shouldn’t have compared I’m a terrible person why can’t I stop comparing I’m such a failure GAAAAAH!” - it’s a sure sign your Inner Bully has kicked into gear.

Take a deep breath, say “I release these thoughts too” and go connect to your Inner Bestie.

Cultivating awareness and then consciously practicing non-attachment to our judgmental, critical or comparative thoughts is wonderfully liberating.

  1. Love yourself

Self love is a journey and a practice. It’s about discovering who you are, why you are and allows you to express your authentic self more fully.

Authenticity may alienate others from you, but it also attracts the right people to you. The more you are yourself, the quicker your tribe can recognise you and you them. And these connections are the most precious of all.

Create a quiet safe place and begin a dialogue with your authentic self. Ask yourself questions like

  • What am I intensely interested in?
  • What do I value?
  • What is keeping me feeling stuck?
  • What do I need in order to release my stuckness?
  • How can I take care of myself?
  • What brings me utter joy?
  • What truly comforts me?
  • What does kindness feel like?
  • What problem in the world am I called to heal?
  • What do people thank me for?
  • What do people tell me they love about me?
  • What do I love about me?

Connect to your truth. And then use these strengths and unique qualities as affirmations.

Instead of chanting “calm blue ocean, calm blue ocean” - see yourself as someone who matters. See yourself as worthy of love and belonging – because you truly are. Try these affirmations on for size:

  • I love and accept myself unconditionally as I am
  • I am worthy of love and belonging
  • In this very moment, all that I am, have and do is enough
  • I love ____ about me (fill in the blank with the specific quality or talent that only you have)

And if it feels strange or unnatural to say nice things about yourself, fake it until you become it. Condition yourself with love.

Begin with a beautiful mind and it will definitely lead to your beautiful life.

What practice do you use to create your beautiful life? What do you think of affirmations? Are they useful or do they seem silly? How would you practice gratitude? Let me know in the comments below.

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Inspiration Broadcast

5 self-lovin’ picture quotes to inspire you along the 30 Day Feel Damn Fine Challenge






For more inspiration, follow me on Pinterest

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Inspiration Broadcast

5 kick-ass quotes to inspire you to love your body + your self






Get more inspiration here

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Opening up + upping my game - how I want The Attitude Revolution to serve you

It is with a fair amount of trepidation that I begin today’s post.

When I started The Attitude Revolution, I wanted to inspire and invoke a revolution of love. And I still do. [Please to read my initial manifesto]

But I’ve been struggling. With my eating, my emotions, and above all my purpose. This weekend, after some pretty painful soul searching, a large personal decision looming over my head, and reading Brené Brown’s latest book ‘Daring Greatly’, I realised I’ve been playing small.

Which is neither fair to you nor me.

So I want to open up and share my big, bright vision for The Attitude Revolution.

  1. This site is not about weight loss, it’s about losing the weight obsession. So while I’ll occasionally talk about eating real food and exercise (which are important components of wellbeing), the intention is for you to truly fall in love with yourself and the body you’re in. Eating disorders come in many forms – not just the typical ones people think of such as anorexia + bulimia – and are considered serious mental health issues. They have a lot of shame + secrecy surrounding them; they create a great deal of suffering for those who have them; and sufferers often have “co-morbid” mental health issues (such as anxiety + depression). I know because I have suffered with all of the above. Self-love is one skill that can help overcome disordered eating. It’s a skill I want to practice and teach.
  2. This site is about me as much as it is about you. I feel I have been called to serve my tribe and leave a positive impact on the world. However, I have to start helping the person closest to me. And that person is me. I’m not perfect, I haven’t completely released the weight obsession, I still occasionally binge, eat food that doesn’t bring me joy, overtrain, undertrain, feel body shame and despair. So the thoughts and tips I share here are to help me heal. If I can shed a light during my journey and help you through my lessons, then I’ll be overjoyed. Healing is a process not a destination.
  3. This site is also bigger than me. As I said, I want to build and serve my tribe. I want to connect as far and wide as possible and build a posse with you, your family, your friends, and have Attitude Revolutionaries all over the world. I want to call on you to help me heal too and share our journeys together. I want you to share this site with those who you know it will help.
  4. This site is also bigger than all of us. At the end of the day, self-love is only the first step on the journey of becoming wholehearted*. We then must create a ripple effect into our relationships, our communities and our planet. There are a myriad of serious problems facing our world today. Climate change, unsustainable resource use, abuse, animal cruelty, poverty, war. Grave and sometimes overwhelming environmental + social challenges that need your help. So this site is also about redirecting the energy + headspace that we previously dedicated to our weight obsession into finding meaning, purpose and impact. Solving real-world problems with courage, compassion and connection.

* Wholehearted is the name Brené Brown gives to people who have the courage to be imperfect; the compassion to be kind to themselves first and then to others; and who have connection as a result of authenticity ie to let go of who they think they should be in order to be who they are.

I have tears in my eyes as I write this, because of all the fears associated with opening up. All the usual stuff around “will people like it / accept me / judge me / mock me / ignore me”. And also because I know that I have to up my game. No more holding back or playing small, in my life or on this site.

I want to step it up and really create content that is meaningful and helpful to you, that helps you go and live your life of awesomeness. For you to cultivate joy and compassion so you can have delicious relationships, a satisfying career, a small ecological footprint and a positive legacy.

One day I hope that I will be able to dedicate all of my time to The Attitude Revolution, and that I’ll be able to sustain a living from it while we change the world.

But in the meantime, I hope that you’ll join me in stepping up and creating a big, bold, commitment to living and loving your authentic life.

So tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild + precious life? What would you dedicate your energy to once you’d released your weight obsession? And how can I help you along the way?

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"Each session left me feeling bright, light, calm and excited." - Natalie