It’s hard to believe it was only one year ago when I sat down with Danielle LaPorte’s revolutionary Desire Map.
Back then I nailed my five ‘Core Desired Feelings’ as Wholehearted, Vital, Insightful, Lupine, and Wildly Sensuous.
These words plastered my studio, were scribbled in journals, and became the source of a wonderful Pinterest board.
I navigated most of the year using these feelings as my compass. I tried my hardest to align my actions with them so I was moving from my core.
But it is with a heavy heart that I admit my ego took centre stage.
You may have read my deep dark secret in my interview with Naomi Goodlet last week. If not, in a nutshell, the end of 2013 was governed by fear, pressure and overwhelm.
The year was then eclipsed by a break up with my partner of 12 years. Overtaken as I was by heartbreak and pain, I was also fortunate to be surrounded by incredibly wise and loving friends and family.
Their advice for getting through the day?
Do the things that make you feel good.
This was my time to really walk my talk. To put into practice everything I’ve been preaching for the last two years. Gratitude, presence, feeling ALL the feelings.
I realised the the things that made me feel good were the simple, mindful pleasures in life.
Meditating, composing music, journaling, reading Tarot cards, spending time with people who love me, being in nature, yoga. For the first few weeks, this was about all I could manage.
Now that I’ve recalibrated, I am EVEN MORE COMMITTED to the phenomenal power of desire.
As DLP herself says,
‘Knowing how you want to feel is the most potent form of clarity you can have’.
Core Desired Feelings are not the fleeting emotions that erupt through your central nervous system umpteen times a minute. These are the enduring moods that you crave. The feelings that you settle into and make you feel like home.
Now, I know Buddha said that the root of all suffering is desire. And I’m certainly not advocating for ignoring painful feelings or repressing negative emotions. As my shero Brené Brown says - ‘You can’t selectively numb’.
However, I’ve found that when I put feeling good at the top of my to-do list - life flows so much better. I’m more resilient, I’m kinder, more present and fun. I have energy, inspiration, and connection. I eat better, sleep better and do better.
My 2014 Core Desired Feelings
I’ll be honest. I didn’t do the full Desire Map process this time around.
I let words come to me.
At first I thought my CDF’s were: Honour, Communion, Quality, and Wildly Sensuous.
However - a powerful process during a mastermind retreat with my soul sisters was to throw all of this into disarray.
At the end of The Desire Map, there are a few questions to help you really drill down into the best representative word. But it’s not a huge part of the book. Not really a big deal.
However, when used with a friend - it is a game changer!
These questions are:
What does your CDF sound like? What does it smell like? Look like? Feel like? What is your CDF really all about?
Each of us on the retreat got to spend hours downloading our Core Desired Feelings. We would close our eyes and just talk in streaming consciousness as my beautifully gifted friend Emma wrote everything down tirelessly.
Immediately it became apparent when words didn’t sit right or even fit at all. You know your Core Desired Feeling isn’t ‘Honour’ when it smells like boot polish!
So what came out of this approach?
Three glorious Core Desired Feelings that feel like a sigh of bliss.
What’s been really fascinating to see - especially as I create visual sumptuousness via the Pinterest boards (click each word to view) - is that each feeling seems to be distilled from my original five.
There is a blurring of sensations that somehow seemed honed with just one word. Feelings of Vital + Insightful often = Zen. Feelings of Lupine are easily absorbed by Samadhi.
What is this Samadhi, you ask?
Well - this is where the process became REALLY interesting.
For me, Samadhi began as a bodily sensation. An almost indescribable feeling. I had no word for it, I only knew how it felt.
So I asked my sisters for guidance. And as I described this feeling of ecstatic power and presence, my girl Carly said “It sounds like Samadhi - the sanskrit word for highest consciousness”.
That was it.
When I googled Samadhi - I found a page by Sri Chinmoy and this was the first thing I read…
Above the toil of life my soul is a bird of fire winging the Infinite.
And to give you a glimpse into the deep process we went into to ensure that Samadhi was indeed what I really wanted to feel - here it is:
Samadhi Sounds Like
• Music • Wolves howling • Wind in the trees • Waterfalls • People cheering • Laughter • Crackling of the flame
Samadhi Smells Like
• Freshness • Joy • Sensual pleasure • Groundedness • Not earthy - woody • Rainforest • Fresh water • Warm sensual tones • Ylang ylang • Cinnamon • Vanilla • Bergamot
Samadhi Looks Like
• A shooting star • A comet • An arrow • Focus • Fire - but more like a candle • Steady flame • Full moon • Standing tall - really tall • Silent presence • A really tall woman with a staff in one hand and a wolf by her side - you can feel her power from just one look
Samadhi Feels Like
• Powerful • Energised • Grounded • Straight • Tall • Forward momentum
Samadhi Is Really About
• Everything + Nothing
How I generate Samadhi
The fabulous thing about Core Desired Feelings is that they feel so familiar that it doesn’t take much to generate them.
There’s really no need for grandiose overhauls or transformations.
For me - generating Samadhi is as simple as inhaling ylang ylang oil, meditating, composing new music or spending time with my soul sisters.
I am overjoyed to announce that so far this year - this is how I’m navigating my days. By honouring my Core Desired Feelings and moving from the heart.
And hot diggity daffodil - it feels goooood.