Archive | April, 2013

The power of asking (also receiving) and actualisation

No matter what you think of Amanda Palmer’s music, or even if you’ve never heard of her - I highly recommend taking 18 minutes out of your day to watch her TED talk.

She knows a thing or two about the power of community. Her talk is insipiring and deeply moving.

You know what else is moving?

You guys.

I was really touched by all who reached out last week after I posted about being in hospital. The well wishes and offers of assistance were so beautiful and I’m so very grateful.

But this week I’ve been thinking…

I didn’t really take anyone up on their offer of help. To be honest, I didn’t really need much. (I’m fortunate to have a very caring and supportive partner). But also, what I did need, I didn’t really feel I COULD ask for.

It was the little things. Someone to do the dishes or take down the garbage. Especially so my partner could have a break. It seemed strange to me to say to someone “Sure, I’d love for you to come over and do a load of laundry”. But I also wondered, am I too proud to not receive help it when it’s offered?

My gorgeous friend Dani came over one afternoon to pamper me with chai, raw chocolate and an eco-friendly mani/pedi.

said mani

Mani from Dani

Before she arrived I found myself hobbling around trying to clean. Then I remembered, she’s my friend. She wasn’t going to care if there were dirty dishes in the sink, or if the house was untidy. Giving myself permission to allow things to be as they were - untidy, unkempt and imperfect - was such a relief.

Realising I needed to be comfortable with receiving nurturing was quite an eye opener.

And as always, my business and my life have become a mirror.

Self care is still something I let slide. I can easily get caught up in taking on too much or getting carried away with exciting work. I have a tendency to obsess over minutiae and can be a bit of a worry wart.

But during the goal setting session with Susana the other week, I chose two goals.

1. To create a thriving and creative coaching practice; and

2. To have self care as my #1 priority

Now, many people (myself included at times) would see those goals as mutually exclusive. A contradiction in terms.

Setting up a business is hard work. Isn’t it?

Going after your dreams, living a life of passion and purpose, being of service. These things all require sacrifice, effort, late nights, blood, sweat and tears. Don’t they?

Isn’t this what we’ve always been taught? That perseverance, sucking it up, and enduring is the only way to get what we want.

Bollocks to that!!!

I want to show myself that goals can be achieved with grace, nourishment and joy. And I want you guys to all do the same.

This is the difference between nose-to-the-grindstone-ego-driven-ambition and actualisation. Actualisation makes room for all the good stuff. It doesn’t ignore the body’s needs or the heart’s desires. It incorporates them beautifully.

Actualisation is the process of becoming more you. It’s full of self acceptance, humour, creativity and fellowship. In fact, actualisation is part of the meaning behind my dragonfly tattoo (you can see a photo of it here).

How much better does the power of actualisation over ambition sound? Let’s shed our hardened stories of aspirational suffering and embrace the concept of ease.

5 ways this could work

1. Focus on the Most Important Things (MIT)

For me, this is only doing what is necessary to launch my coaching practice and run my business. Everything else is white noise. The stream of social media, sweating the small stuff, obsessive planning - can all be released.

What are your MIT’s when it comes to living your dream?

2. Enjoy the ‘Slow down’

With a physical injury, I LITERALLY have to take the stairs one at a time. Sometimes it’s frustrating because I want to race down them. What a beautiful metaphor. Most days I feel like I’m racing from one thing to the next, never stopping to be present in what I’m doing, and often feeling like I’ve never done enough. When I’m working, I should be  working out. When I’m resting, I should be writing. Et cetera. Et cetera.

Actually being ‘ok’ with the present moment, even during tedious or restful moments, makes it that much more enjoyable. Gently does it, comrade.

3. Trust the process

I can’t rush the healing process any more than I can rush the growth of my business.

Words cannot describe how much I love coaching. How much I enjoy witnessing the epiphanies, and the shift in perception. How much I love getting emails from you guys and connecting online. I want our tribe to expand and for so many people all around the world to begin the journey of self love.

This takes time, patience and trust. All I have to do is show up and do my best. The same applies to you. Where in your life can you allow your goal to develop and flourish without trying to push or force it?

4. Make space for your Self

What would happen if you gave the best of yourself, to you, first? - click to tweet

This has become my mantra. For this to happen, I need to make space for my coaching launch. So rather than creating new content for the blog in the next few weeks, I’ll be resurrecting some previous content (which you may not have seen if you’re new around these parts). I’m also looking at a few changes to the blog format going forward and making special content for my lovely email subscribers (make sure you’re on the list by signing up in the top right hand box!)

5. Ask for help

Aaaaaand we’ve come full circle! :D

Where do you need support in your life in order to reach your goals? Is it as simple as asking your partner to cook dinner for a week? Or hiring a babysitter once a month? Or do you need a compassionate and supportive coach (wink wink nudge nudge)? You don’t have to white-knuckle through it on your own.

So here’s my request for help.

I’d love help spreading the word about The Attitude Revolution. If you know someone who could use some more self love in their life, shoot them an email with the website link or suggest the Facebook page to them.

What about you comrade? Do you find the path of ease a foreign concept when it comes to achieving your goals? Do you think self care is selfish? What came up for you with the idea of putting your needs first? Share in the comments below…

PS - If you’re currently on the mailing list to receive these broadcasts and you’re interested in Attitude Coaching, make sure you sign up for those updates too. I’ll only be sending info (and special coaching bonuses) to people on that list so click here to get all the goss.


So, I’ve been in the hospital…Or The Seemingly Comic Timing of the Universe

Pretty much how I've been feeling lately

Pretty much how I’ve been feeling lately

It was Sunday night. I had just finished a sumptuous session of reflection and celebration of the last three months. Led by the divine Susana Frioni and attended by an intimate group of powerful women.

I was feeling all jazzed about the first quarter of the year and ready to embrace the next one. I had scheduled the date for my upcoming coaching launch (yeeeeehaw) and things were looking great.

But as I was getting ready for bed, I felt what I later described as “crushing pelvic pain” in my lower abs. Now, I hadn’t been doing 1000 sit ups so I knew it wasn’t muscular. And I have a history of lower back and hip issues, so I thought perhaps I’d been sitting on the floor for too long, and preceded to do some stretches.

Unfortunately, it didn’t seem to help - so I tried something I’ve never done before. EFT. Or Emotional Freedom Technique. Or Tapping. I used the technique that Marie Forleo learned in this interview.

So I was tapping away repeating silently “Even though I have all this pain in my body, I choose to relax”.

This became my mantra as I lay in bed trying to sleep.

But the pain worsened.

My partner got me some Panadol and I got about an hour’s sleep.

When I awoke I knew two things. I gotta pee. And something was very wrong.

So I got up to pee (big mistake!) but after the deed was done, I knew I was going to either pass out or throw up (I did both).

My partner called the ambulance and I sat trying to breathe and remember my mantra from earlier.

Well, laughter might be the best medicine, but lemme tell ya, nothing trumps morphine for pain relief! I am truly grateful for the paramedics for their kindness, swift action, and patience. Anyone who can witness people at their most unglamourous and still be lighthearted and kind is a hero in my book.

Thankfully I was triaged quickly and saw a doctor not long after. This has NOT been my experience in the past, so again, my gratitude extends to the nurses and doctor that took such good care of me. I have boundless gratitude for my partner who stroked my hair the whole time too.

By 3am I was released home with the requirements for more testing. This is what I’ve been up to for the last few days. Resting and testing.

But do you know what?

I’ve been taught an incredibly powerful lesson.

And that is…




It’s all well and god to be able to meditate when you’re in the forest. But the practice really shines in the middle of a sh*tstorm.

I’ve done lots of meditation in the past. But I’ve been practising mindfulness meditation for a few weeks now with an app called Headspace. This practice has been invaluable throughout this experience.

When the pain first came on, I managed by focusing on my mantra.

After the first shot of morphine, the paramedics said I really needed to walk down the stairs to the ambulance. With my partner’s steady hand, I was able to walk down the stairs one at a time whilst focusing on my breath.

Once in the stretcher, I placed my hand on my heart. I began to shiver (my go-to stress response) and one of the paramedics said “Try to relax”. Magic words.

I was reminded to reconnect to the breath; to count the rise and fall; to focus on the areas of my body that were comfortable - not just the parts in distress; to let go, rise above and be present.

Whenever a thought intruded about what “could” happen, how long this would last for, and all the terrible “what ifs”, I would panic. I could feel my breath quicken and tears form.

But to remember that this was just one moment of suffering and all I had to do was focus on a deep exhale - it took me out of the terrifying, uncertain future and brought me back into presence.

Even though the present moment is painful, the story we tell ourselves about the pain adds so much more suffering. - click to tweet

Now, as I write, I have to keep reminding myself of this.

At times I catch myself thinking, “Dammit! Why now?! I’m about to launch my coaching practice in a few weeks”.

I think “Who’s going to want to coach with a sick person? What if I don’t get better in time? I shouldn’t be resting, I should be working. I’m letting everyone down and burdening  my partner…” etc etc

Plus I worry maybe this is a sign it’s bad timing.

The truth is none of that is true. And even if it were, it doesn’t matter.

There’s never a good time to get sick or have an accident. Being sick is painful, expensive and a big ol’ inconvenience.

But this moment, right now? This is all I have. This is all any of us have.

To me this is a sign that anything can and does change in a heartbeat.

So I will be going ahead with the coaching launch, but it might be different to how I originally planned. Things may change a little here at TAR HQ. I may only be able to publish killer content sporadically, rather than twice a week. I don’t know yet.

But I do know this. In this moment, I will recommit to self love and self care of the highest priority. And to going after my dreams in a way that is loving and sustainable.

I invite you to do the same.

PS - If you know someone who is struggling with ill health right now, I encourage you to reach out to them. Cook them a meal, send them flowers, or offer to take their dog for a walk. Illness can be very isolating, but the power of community and connection is incredibly healing.

{If you’re interested in having a compassionate and creative coach that will help you connect to your truth and help you Change your Mind About your Body - click here}


Ways to Let Go


You know those times when you just feel sh*t and you need a little something something to help you do a 180 towards calm?

Well, here it is.

It’s something different from the usual blog post, but I think you’ll like it.

You see, I’ve been getting back into writing music and creating guided meditations, and I’m really loving it.

So I wrote this poem / contemplation about releasing negativity and instead of just writing it down - I’ve recorded it with some relaxing music.


And if you know someone who could use a 2 minute sigh of relief today, be a doll - share this with them.

UPDATE - Now available for download!

ps - If you are reading this in email - you’ll need to click through to play it.